A man in Oxford Town was rushing about in a gown. It caught under his foot causing his book to go flying and knock someone down.
A limerick that’s about nonsense is something that’s difficult to ring fence. It’s cocking a snoot and causing a hoot and is short of a pound by a few pence.
Road tax seem veritably mean when the roads around here are obscene. It’s not just that they’re potholed they’re unpleasantly controlled by lights that never go green.
My limericks are all getting a note But within the note nothing is wrote I think the note might be spam with spam spam spam and spam It’s beginning to get at my goat
Death by chocolate
Chocolate ice cream is quite delightful Stabbing someone is most spiteful It’s important to note you should not cut the throat of someone who’s giving you trifle.
There once was a man who would sneeze When exposed to a wheel of cheese The type didn’t matter The snot it would splatter ‘cross faces and midriffs and knees
Take my wife - please
So you think that you’ve had a hard life? Well, good sir, then you’ve not met my wife. She won’t let me have bacon and there’s never a cake on She’s continual trouble and strife.
Yarrr! ‘tis a piratey day So every word that ye say should sound like ye be upon the high sea. Yo ho ho! Swab the deck! Avast matey!
Chicken and peas and beans I’m eating within my means The food is nutritional There’s nothing additional My menu’s austerely themed
Austin Powers was reading a mag When a thief he thought he did scrag He was quite embarrassed As was the one he harrassed Exclaiming, “sorry baby, that’s not my bag!”
Married a shrew
A man who married a shrew Kept his wife for its life in a shoe People said, “you’re a fool and you’re pointlessly cruel!” He replied, “but our love was so true!”
The pasta that I started eating Was having a strange sort of meeting My stomach below Was starting to grow My food would not take this beating The mushrooms and veg that then followed Were refusing outright to be swallowed I tried forcing them through But they would not go The pasta would not be mellowed I had to come up with a plan What was I? A mouse or a man? I should not be...
Miranda - a vile old hag Was assiduously bumming a fag They said, with reproach “You can have this old roach. Now get lost, I am starting to gag.”
Mowing the lawn
While mowing the lawn in the spring I thought such a wonderful thing It’s nearly the summer So all of the stunners Will be out wearing barely a thing
I kissed a frog
I once kissed frog that was magical For reasons that were cosmological It said it would dress Just like a princess Alas changes were not physiological
Box part 7
It was empty. She closed the box and looked up from it. There was a figure standing in front of her. She stood up to look at them. “The contents of the box are not for you,” the figure said. It was the man in the wide brimmed hat. She smiled. “I know,” she said. “I was just curious. Why all this bother over an empty box?” “It’s not empty,” he said. “The contents are not for you.” As if this...
So there were about a hundred people in the yard. I know it’s hard to believe but there were. They were all drinking merrily and having a right good time. Some of them were in swim suits, I don’t know why - we don’t have a pool. Seven of them formed a mariachi band and started playing la cucaracha. The colours were amazing but there was never enough space for all the people so at...
Box part 6
Hours went by. The room got dark. Still no one came for the box. She worried that she had missed the owner, during her brief excursion. Surely though the owner would have left her a message to say they had called. She looked down at the box. It was silent. She put it on the floor, she felt safe in the room again. She waited. The night passed and it was day again. The waiting continued. She heard a...
Box part 5
“Hello, daddy,” the little girl said, as they approached the figure. The little girl gave a wave and the figure waved back. “Hello sweetheart,” the figure replied. “Who have you brought to meet me?” “This is a lady I met in the dining room.” The figure stood up as they got close. He was a tall man with broad shoulders. He stood with his hands in his pockets, and as the little girl reached him, he...