When playing with castanets George’s friends began to place bets. How long it would take for them to break his heart into so many bits.
Eric’s a lovely young man but he sleeps every night in a can. It’s made out of tin but can fit only him. He looks a bit pale and wan.
Mavis and Dorris and Sally were peddling their time in an alley. John came sniffing around and he liked what he found. He decided he wanted to dally. Dorris was also the pimp. She said, “hey now, listen here shrimp: I’m not being funny, unless you’ve got the money, your balls will be getting a crimp.” “Now ladies, there’s no need for threats,” ...
I want to write a limerick but I haven’t got the rhythm yet I haven’t the rhyme nor have I the time to worry about being correct
A man in Oxford Town was rushing about in a gown. It caught under his foot causing his book to go flying and knock someone down.
A limerick that’s about nonsense is something that’s difficult to ring fence. It’s cocking a snoot and causing a hoot and is short of a pound by a few pence.
Road tax seem veritably mean when the roads around here are obscene. It’s not just that they’re potholed they’re unpleasantly controlled by lights that never go green.
My limericks are all getting a note But within the note nothing is wrote I think the note might be spam with spam spam spam and spam It’s beginning to get at my goat
Death by chocolate
Chocolate ice cream is quite delightful Stabbing someone is most spiteful It’s important to note you should not cut the throat of someone who’s giving you trifle.
There once was a man who would sneeze When exposed to a wheel of cheese The type didn’t matter The snot it would splatter ‘cross faces and midriffs and knees
Take my wife - please
So you think that you’ve had a hard life? Well, good sir, then you’ve not met my wife. She won’t let me have bacon and there’s never a cake on She’s continual trouble and strife.
Yarrr! ‘tis a piratey day So every word that ye say should sound like ye be upon the high sea. Yo ho ho! Swab the deck! Avast matey!
Chicken and peas and beans I’m eating within my means The food is nutritional There’s nothing additional My menu’s austerely themed
Austin Powers was reading a mag When a thief he thought he did scrag He was quite embarrassed As was the one he harrassed Exclaiming, “sorry baby, that’s not my bag!”
Married a shrew
A man who married a shrew Kept his wife for its life in a shoe People said, “you’re a fool and you’re pointlessly cruel!” He replied, “but our love was so true!”
The pasta that I started eating Was having a strange sort of meeting My stomach below Was starting to grow My food would not take this beating The mushrooms and veg that then followed Were refusing outright to be swallowed I tried forcing them through But they would not go The pasta would not be mellowed I had to come up with a plan What was I? A mouse or a man? I should not be...
Miranda - a vile old hag Was assiduously bumming a fag They said, with reproach “You can have this old roach. Now get lost, I am starting to gag.”
Mowing the lawn
While mowing the lawn in the spring I thought such a wonderful thing It’s nearly the summer So all of the stunners Will be out wearing barely a thing
I kissed a frog
I once kissed frog that was magical For reasons that were cosmological It said it would dress Just like a princess Alas changes were not physiological